Spiders

I SLEPT LIKE A BABY: twelve hours flat last night. I took risperidone early in two halves it works better that way. Now I just wanna go back to bed I'm too tired and I have to go to this awful appointment this afternoon where people will look at me. I'm so much not up for that. Being judged and appraised. People are like tarantulas. You look at the weird eight eyed thing that BITES YOU and know

My New Home

I AM GOING TO BE LIVING IN A NEW HOUSE. I don't know when. But within not too long. Mentally supported housing, it's called. That is a mentally ill hostel rather than a mentally all over the place (because everybody here is weird) Emergency Accommodation.It hasn't been sorted yet, but Deshane is working on it.I spoke to Naomi tonight who was saying I have to go to a Dual Diagnosis club under a

Frisbee Day

I TOSSED A PIZZA OUT OF MY WINDOW EARLIER LIKE A FROZEN FRISBEE. It had fucking pork in it and I don't eat pork. It's dirty. So I stormed off down the corner shop for another one. This one was Margherita with red peppers and mushrooms of my own. It's in there now.WAS IN A REAL STEW about Deshane, the mental health personnage coming to my house. I very naerly walked out and scored heroin instead

Going Swimming

MY FRIEND ANNA GRACE is doing gym membership stuff. She does this thing when you can use a step machine or other machine at a cinema, while watching a movie! That is so American!So I decided instead of getting laughed out of the boxing club I was going to go swimming. I have about 2 stone I want to lose. That's about 14kg or 28 lbs. An unsympathetic doctor (ooo where you gonna find one of those?!

Just gabblling (as per usual)

0220 WELL I WASN'T HALF RAMBLING on earlier. I was going into one because Deshane who is a mental health type personnage is coming to my house tomorrow (actually today, this afternoon) and I know I'm not feeling "right" so all that confusion with vivid references to mental disorderedness is me stewing because I'm stressed out.I don't know whether to go to bed tonight or not I feel a bit "high" as

Weirdly Wired!

0030: I FEEL CONFUSED and weird. Deshane is coming tomorrow. Deshane has some connexion with the council he doesn't mind me being off my head on nutnutter disorder.Deshane is not coming till 1430 so I have time to sleep. I had "elevated mood" earlier on. That is I saw Paddster who told me his woes and I couldn't stop smiling at him. Then I had to pull a really serious face.I think they all know

Dreaming

I sleep for hours and hours dreaming. I dreamt I was with people in a giant glasshouse world. Some threat came in from outside and this isn't exactly what happened (it was a dream; very mixed up) but the world we were in was failing and eventually the glass broke open and bright sunshine was outside and a better world to live in.Kind of an obvious metaphor for what is going on today. You could

I dont know why...

I DON'T KNOW WHY I was so intersted in medicine last night. Talking about being better. That is one thing I have never known how to be. Well.Skip the bit in italics to avoid today's anti-methadone rant.That is why I must make myself a fortune, the biggest one possible and leave taxatious British soil to keep my money safe. I'd rather live in Switzerland and pay for heroin therapy than here and

Schizoaffective Disorder

AS REGULAR READERS will know I have been diagnosed with a relatively rare psychiatric condition that affects approximately one person in two hundred and accounts for approximately five percent of all patients with serious mental illness. Not much is known about this condition. Varying opinions put have it as a variety of schizophrenia, or a variety of bipolar disorder, or a cross between the two

Pity the Joy Man

WHO IS IN A MESS? Not me. Not.I glanced over the bullshit I have written over only FOUR DAYS.Did I really think it showed strength of character to kill myself? Why do I say these things.Then I want to switch to a drug I know will make me suffer. While it makes me cleaner. Subutex is amazing. But only for those truly ready to be clean.Now I want to be a poet (and don't I know it).Today I am

Poetry and Truth

DOES ANYONE KNOW A SHOP SELLING HUGE WHITE SMOCK SHIRTS? I have decided to become a poet, you see. So I need one. I already have a fountin pen bought on special offer for 30p. It came with 3 blue cartridges but I need poetical black ones. And thick acid free Sketch 100 paper for manuscripts and lots of lovely red wine to leave poetic winestains all over my poetic manuscripts. I already have a

My Special Tonkie Plan

I HAVE A SPECIAL PLAN. I'm in a good mood now and planning my future. My DRUG-FREE FUTURE. YES A FUTURE WITH NO MORPHIA, NO METHADONE NO NARCOTIC SUBSTANCES.See I feel hypomanic enough without needing shitty drugs to bring me up here. Why am I hypomanic? Because I scored methadone on the street a while ago and indulge tonight in an extra dose. [A tiny dreg that I had extra, not a whopping huge